i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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