Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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