At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
