Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
