you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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