Got a toothbrush?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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