I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Randomize
