he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
