so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
