Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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