dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
