Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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