Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
