I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
