it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
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eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
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I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Holy shit dude........stairs
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