Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
