I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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