I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
