I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
