So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
So much Jack, so little girl.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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