Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
