I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
party gras won. party gras always wins.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
