The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
