well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
