If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
