im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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