mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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