You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
