There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
