nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
We need to get me chipped asap
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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