Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize
