alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
