so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize