Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
