our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
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He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
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I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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