I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
After tacos, we're chasing women.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
