you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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