Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
