i permit you to call me
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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