remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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