it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and you fell through a lawn chair
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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