he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
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Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
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She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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