Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
