i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
