He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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