I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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