People with herpes should wear stickers.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
