So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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