Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
