like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
