Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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