apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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