this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
