worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
we're so committed to being not committed
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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