It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
