She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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