at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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