i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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