listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
