I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
