I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
