I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
