It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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