I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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