I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
