i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
