last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
