and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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