I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
im holly from the hills drunk
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
